I introduced myself around August. At this time I was so pumped with life. I was feeling like myself after a long period of self-pity and wallowing. I had also told myself I would write more. I guess I am just those people who say they love writing but have nothing to show for it. It's almost midnight here. A lot has happened, since the last time I wrote. I got a job, not technically a job but an internship, so maybe it qualifies? And yes they are paying. I have been so busy lately but I am happy. I have also been writing more, though not for myself. I am currently ignoring some tons of work I need to finish. I will create time later. But I want to bask in this feeling that has ignited in me. This writer feeling. This feeling of inspiration. I should thank this long work file for the inspiration. I feel like it's August again.
My new engagement is in mental health, and I can say for a fact, I had a vague understanding of mental health before this project. It was abstract to me. I might have even wondered why someone would want to commit suicide. Should I blame my society for my stigmatizing thoughts of mental illness or should I blame myself for not self-educating on a matter of high importance?
I must admit before COVID I had taken friendships and family relations for granted. It took COVID for me to acknowledge I needed people around me. (Yes I am those people who say they enjoy personal space and need few people in their life)
As I write this I have a better understanding of good and bad mental health and that everyone at some point in their life has suffered from mental health problems and that it is okay. Reflecting on 2021, I am certain at some point in time, I too had experienced bad mental health. I was in a sad place, I didn't know why I felt so, but I did. It must have been the pressure I put on myself or was it societal expectations?
As earlier mentioned I am an overthinker, maybe I am overthinking right now but, take a minute and immerse yourself with me. Let us wonder at what age one becomes self-aware. Because maybe some of our failures begin from the fear of disappointing those around us even when we are doing our best. What if I was exhibiting my true potential and true self yet society, family, and friends thought I was not doing enough?
Again, what if I am pushing myself too hard and I can't conceptualise some ideas yet society, friends and family have the highest expectations of me?
Does it all boil down to self-awareness? And at what age is the average adult self-aware? Do some people die without finding self-awareness?
I need answers but from where? Google? As we think of these questions I want us to identify our strengths, and our flaws even our capabilities so that we can embrace ourselves wholly. Can we learn how to love every crooked, imperfect side of us. Because society, friends and family will continue projecting their expectations, and failed ambitions on us. It is tough sometimes, or at least for me.
So as I sign off, I hope you embrace your perfectly imperfect sides, because even without a masters degree, even without a house that your friends think you should have by now, or even without the luxurious job you have been beating your ass to get, name it …. You are valuable.
